AND ON THE EIGHTH DAY, WE CREATED A NEW DRINK

Tyler: I HAVE HIT THE WALL
Jess: NOT TOO HARD, I HOPE
Tyler: IT IS THAT POINT WHERE ANYTHING YOU STUDY JUST BOUNCES OUT OF YOUR HEAD
AND I CANNOT FOCUS AT ALL
IT IS THE SUCKS
Jess: EWW, I HATE THAT
TIME FOR A BREAK
SOMETHING...NINTENDO-LIKE?
Tyler: ALAS.
I AM STUCK ON CAMPUS
Jess: BOTHER THAT
Tyler: AND I HATE NOT STUDYING WHEN I SHOULD BE
I ONLY HAVE TWO HOURS LEFT BEFORE I HAVE TO TAKE IT
Jess: OH MAN
THAT IS THE SUCKS
Tyler: YEAH
I MEAN I FEEL OK
I HAVE STUDIED FOR ABOUT 10 HOURS
AND I FEEL PRETTY GOOD
BUT IF I DO NOT GET AN A
I WILL BEAT MYSELF BADLY
Jess: HMMM...GOD THREATENING TO SMITE HIMSELF
HOW PECULIAR
Tyler: MY WIFE IS GOING TO IKEA
THIS IS NEVER A GOOD THING
IT IS A BETTER THING THAN MAKING ME COME WITH HER THOUGH
Jess: HOLY COW!
SHE SHOULD HAVE COME WITH US LAST NIGHT
Tyler: YOU ARE ALL JUNKIES
SWEDISH JUNKIES
Jess: AND IF YOU WERE ANY KIND OF AWESOME, YOU WOULD GO WITH HER
AND LOVE IT
Tyler: TELL TIANNA THAT SHE IS A TRAITOR TO THE NORSE CAUSE
I AM NOT AWESOME LIKE THAT
Jess: WHY ON EARTH?
Tyler: IF BY AWESOME YOU MEAN EVIL
Jess: LOL
Tyler: AND IT IS QUITE POSSIBLE
SINCE I AM TALKING TO YOU
THAT THAT IS WHAT YOU MEAN
AND SHE IS A TRAITOR BECAUSE IKEA IS SWEDISH
THE SWEDES ARE THE ENEMIES OF THE NORSE
AND BY ENDORSING THEIR FURNITURE
SHE IS DESTROYING HER CULTURE
Jess: oh, right
I forget these things
Tyler: IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE A BIG DEAL
BUT WHEN YOU BUY IKEA FURNITURE
YOU MAKE A VIKING CRY
Jess: HOW DO THE DANES FIT INTO ALL THIS?
LOL
Tyler: THIS IS NOT SOMETHING VIKINGS LIKE TO DO
SO TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES AGAIN
THEY GET DRUNK
AND PILLAGE TOWNS
IN THIS WAY IKEA IS RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERY LIFE THE VIKINGS TAKE
Jess: LOL
Tyler: AND YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR A PART OF EACH OF THOSE LIVES
THERE IS BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS
Jess: BUT...BUT...
THEY LOOK CLEAN!
Tyler: BLOOOOOOOOD
Jess: YOU NEVER SAID HOW THE DANES FIT IN
Tyler: THE DANES DO NOT MATTER
HAMLET WAS THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT DENMARK WAS EVER INVOLVED IN
AND IT WAS WRITTEN BY A BRIT
SO IT ONLY COUNTS FOR HALF
Jess: UNH!!!
Tyler: YOU CANNOT USE PUNCTUATION LIKE THAT
IT IS NOT GODLY
Jess: I CAN TO!
IT MAY NOT BE YOU-GODLY, BUT IT IS CERTAINLY ME-GODLY
Tyler: YOU SHOULD ALSO USE THE RIGHT FORM OF TOO
THIS IS BETTER
Jess: HEY, I'M DOING ABOUT 80 THINGS AT ONCE HERE
Tyler: I AM SORRY
IS THAT TOO MUCH FOR YOUR DANISH BRAIN TO HANDLE
DAAAAAANE
Jess: I WILL KILL YOU DEAD
AND I WILL HIDE YOUR NES
Tyler: DAAAAAAANE
THAT IS NOT COOL
JUST SO YOU KNOW
Jess: WHICH PART?
Tyler: HIDING MY PROPERTY
OF COURSE
Jess: THE DEATH THREAT, OR THE NES THREAT?
Tyler: IT IS THE FIRST THING YOU DANES RESORT TO
THIEVERY
AND COWARDICE
Jess: OR THE WRITING OF FABULOUSLY AWESOME FAIRY TALES!
Tyler: AND PASTRY MAKING
Jess: NEVER FORGET HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN!!!!!
Tyler: DANES PUT THE FAIRY IN FAIRY TALES
AND CHEESE IN A PASTRY
THE SECOND WAS A GOOD MOVE
AND THE OTHER GOOD THING THAT HAS COME OUT OF DENMARK
(I AM JUST KIDDING)
Jess: LOL
Tyler: (I DO NOT HATE DANES)
THEY HAVE NEAT DOGS
GREAT DOGS IN FACT
THAT IS A PUN
TA HA
Jess: lol
Tyler: I AM NO RESPECTER OF PERSONS
I AM ESPECIALLY NOT A RESPECTER OF DANES
Jess: YOU DISRESPECT THEM ALL EQUALLY?
Tyler: OF ALL THE PEOPLE I DISRESPECT
I DISRESPECT DANES MORE
Jess: :p
:P
Tyler: YOU SENT IT TWICE
DAAAAAAAANE
Jess: well, the first one was messed up
Tyler: :)
I SMILE UPON YOU
And I think I must soon go...
I should really try really really hard to study.
Jess: YOU'VE HAD A NICE BREAK
Tyler: NOTHING TO RELAX A MAN LIKE BASHING SOME DANES
Jess: THAT'S WHAT I'M HERE FOR
Tyler: IT IS LIKE DRINKING
BUT WITH MORE CHEESE INSIDE
WHAT DID THAT MEAN
Jess: LOL
Tyler: I WONDER
Jess: DUNNO, BUT IT WAS FUNNY
Tyler: EXACTLY
APPARENTLY THERE IS A HOLE IN THE COCKTAIL MARKET FOR SOMETHING CALLED THE DANE
IT IS VODKA MIXED WITH CHEESE
I THINK IT WOULD BE A WINNER
Jess: WOULD THE CHEESE JUST SIT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE DRINK, OR WOULD YOU GET IT TO DISSOLVE SOMEHOW?
Tyler: IT IS SERVED WITH A NAPKIN WITH THE LITTLE MATCH GIRL WRITTEN ON IT
Jess: OR WOULD IT JUST GO ON A TOOTHPICK, LIKE THE OLIVES IN MARTINIS?
Tyler: SO YOU CRY AS YOU GET LOADED
Jess: oooooohhh
THAT'S WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS--MORE WEEPING DRUNKS
Tyler: IT WOULD BE BLENDED WITH CREAM CHEESE
WITH A SKEWERED PIECE ALSO
IT WOULD BE A HIGH FAT COCKTAIL
SO ALL THE WEEPY DRUNKS WOULD ALSO GET FAT
AND THAT IS WHAT I CALL JUSTICE
Jess: AND DIE OF HIGH CHOLESTEROL?
Tyler: NO NO NO
THEY WOULD KILL THEMSELVES LONG BEFORE THAT
THE DANE
Jess: OF COURSE THEY WOULD!
Tyler: RUINING LIVES IN EVERY FORM
AGAIN
THIS IS JUSTICE IN ME
AND NOW I WILL GO AND STUDY CHEMISTRY
BECAUSE I WANT AN A
Jess: GOOD LUCK!
OF COURSE YOU WILL GET AN A
Tyler: WE SHOULD CELEBRATE MY SUCCESS WITH A DANE
DANES ALL AROUND!
AND IF I FAIL
WE WILL GET DRUNK AND WEEP ABOUT THE LITTLE MATCH GIRL
Jess: 5 DANES!!!
SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN
Tyler: I THINK IT DOES
Jess: ONE OF YOUR BEST
Tyler: EVEN BETTER THAN THE PLAN OF SALVATION
Jess: DUUUDE
Tyler: (for that, I am going to hell)
Jess: THAT WAS YOU-GODLY, NOT ME-GODLY
LOL
Tyler: I should keep a list of all the blasphemous things I say so I can be sure to repent of them all.
right now....I just have to throw out the blanket, "And I'm sorry for all those blasphemous things."
Jess: OR AT LEAST SO THAT WHILE WE'RE ALL ROASTING IN HELL TOGETHER, WE CAN REMEMBER WHY AND LAUGH ABOUT IT
Tyler: Then I have to get sorry about it...
Jess: ANOTHER STEP FOR ANOTHER DAY, I SAY!
Tyler: THAT IS THE DIFFICULT PART
STEP ONE
KNOW YOU SHOULD NOT
STEP TWO
CARE
I HAVE ACHIEVED VICTORY OVER STEP ONE
Jess: YOUR PARENTS WOULD BE SO PROUD
Tyler: THAT IS AN INTERESTING THEOLOGICAL QUANDARY