Who came first, GOD or GOD?

[We kicked this conversation off with an inquisition as to the current status of my insane day at work.]

Tyler: HELLO JESS
Jess: howdy
Tyler: ARE THINGS GETTING BETTER FOR TODAY
OR ARE THEY STILL HARD
Jess: IT'S CRAZINESS
IT'S A LI'L BIT CALMER, BUT STILL NUTS
Tyler: IT IS GOOD THAT IT IS BETTER
AND BAD THAT IT IS NUTS
Jess: ALSO, I WANT TO TAKE OUT A CONTRACT ON THIS ONE FAMILY-HISTORY- WRITING OLD WOMAN
Tyler: BY THIS
Jess: SHE'S AWFUL
Tyler: I ASSUME YOU MEAN
A MAFIA CONTRACT
Jess: UH HUH
SHE NEEDS TO DIE
Tyler: THIS IS A BAD THING TO DO IN MINE EYES
Jess: BUT I'M GOD!
Tyler: SO AM I
Jess: I CAN KILL WHOMEVER I PLEASE
Tyler: BUT NOT BY HIRING
GOD DOES NOT EMPLOY DEATH
Jess: LOL
YOU MEAN I HAVE TO SMITE HER MYSELF?
BUT I'M SO BUSY CLEANING UP HER CRAP
Tyler: THAT IS GROSS
SHE SHOULD GET DEPENDS
AGE IS NO GOOD REASON FOR THAT SORT OF MESSINESS
Jess: EWWWWWWWWW
Tyler: KESSA
KESSA
Jess: yes?
Tyler: KESSA, WHERE ART THOU?
Jess: I AM HERE
Tyler: THAT WAS MY MINOR BLASPHEMY FOR THE DAY
Jess: LOL

[We began discussing our plans for Easter.]

Tyler: I AM CONTEMPLATING A HAM FEAST
Jess: OOOOH
Tyler: LIKE
TO CELEBRATE THE LAW OF MOSES
BY EATING BACON AND HAM AND CHEESEBURGERS
AND
IGUANAS
ARE THEY ON THE LAW
I CAN NEVER REMEMBER WHAT I TOLD THEM
Jess: IS THIS YOUR MAJOR BLASPHEMY FOR THE DAY?
Tyler: WHAT
NO
THIS IS SERIOUS
BACON
FEAST
THESE ARE WORDS THAT SHOULD ALWAYS ACCOMPANY EACH OTHER
Jess: YOU'RE SO RIGHT
Tyler: OMNIPOTENCE IS COOL LIKE THAT
Jess: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WITH THAT WHOLE DIETARY CODE THING?
Tyler: IT WAS A KICK
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THEM
Jess: LOL
Tyler: I AM HAVING A VERY SERIOUSLY THEOLOGICAL CONVERSATION WITH RACHEL
Jess: OH?
Tyler: I was finishing up my cookie dough

Tyler: CAN I HAVE SOME
IT WILL BE EATEN WITH MY OMNIPOTENT MOUTH
Rachel: ...
Sure. Who am I do deny God cookie dough?
Tyler: YOU ARE NOW ONE OF HIS FAVORITE PEOPLE
Rachel: Oh good
Tyler: BUT YOU MUST
UH
DEMONSTRATE YOUR FAITH
BY BRINGING IT TO CAMPUS
Rachel: Where on campus?
Tyler: ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE
ATOP A TOPLESS THRONE
Rachel: oh my
I don't think I made that much cookie dough
Tyler: IT IS OK
I CAN FILL THE UNIVERSE AND STILL FIT INSIDE YOUR HEART
SIZE IS VARIABLE
Rachel: Oh. Right.
My feeble human brain forgets this
Tyler: IT IS DIFFICULT TO COMPREHEND THE INFINITE
Rachel: oh so true

Tyler: I WILL BE ON CAMPUS FOR A FEW MORE HOURS
IF YOU DECIDE TO COME AROUND
THAT WOULD ROCK HARD
OF COURSE
HOURS ARE IRRELEVANT TO ME
Rachel: lol
Well, I do have to go back up to campus for my 5:10 class
Tyler: FOR SERIOUS
Rachel: of course, you knew that
Tyler: OF COURSE
BUT I STILL ASK FOR YOUR EFFORTS
ELSE YOUR AGENCY WOULD NOT BE

Tyler: SO
THAT IS MY BLASPHEMOUS SELF
Jess: I JUST TOLD RACHEL THAT I WAS GOD FIRST :)
Tyler: THAT IS CRAP
IN A HAT
AND YOU HAVE TO WEAR THAT HAT
BECAUSE YOU ARE A LIAR
Jess: LOL
IT'S TRUE!
I SHOWED YOU HOW TO BE GOD
Tyler: THIS RAISES SO MANY THEOLOGICAL IMPLICATIONS
WERE MY MIND NOT INFINITE
IT MIGHT SPLODE
Jess: GOOD THING I TAUGHT YOU SO WELL, THEN
Tyler: INDEED
Tyler: OUT
LATER
Jess: LATA, MY STUDENT
DO WELL